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<title>“I Must’ve Been Insane That Day.” by saemah</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26916655">“I Must’ve Been Insane That Day.”</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/saemah/pseuds/saemah'>saemah</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Stray Kids (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Abandonment, Alone, Drowning, Lonliness, Mentions of Suicide, Other, Pain, Song: Ex (Stray Kids), trigger warning</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 01:00:27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>796</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26916655</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/saemah/pseuds/saemah</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>TW (Trigger Warning ⚠️) // Mentions of suicide and drowning. </p><p>~</p><p>She commits suicide by drowning whilst Stray Kids (Ex) plays through her speaker.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>SKZ/Reader, Stray Kids Ensemble/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>“I Must’ve Been Insane That Day.”</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>TW (Trigger Warning ⚠️) // Mentions of suicide and drowning. Please, do not read further if this will be triggering for you. If you continue to read this knowing it will fuck with your mind just to punish yourself, I promise you baby it isn’t worth it. Trust me.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She looks around her apartment one last time, checking every room to see if there was anything out of place or any dirt to be cleaned. Once satisfied with the cleanness of the apartment, she grabs her phone and her speaker walking towards her passageway where the dining table is. She places the speaker down onto the table and bluetooth connects her phone to the speaker. She presses the volume '+' button till her chosen song is blasting through the holes of the speaker. It's Stray Kid's 'Ex'. </p><p> </p><p>Placing her phone down next to the speaker, putting the song on repeat, she makes way towards the bathroom and harshly turns the cold water tap on. She watches the bathtub fill with the cold water before facing the small dirty mirror in the bathroom. The one thing she didn't clean. She looks at her reflection in the mirror and notices how the skin around her eyes have sunken in. Her eyebrows all scruffy, her cheekbones protruding and her lips dry, parts of the skin cracked and peeling.</p><p> </p><p>She felt so thirsty and hungry, as her stomach let out a loud rumble. She ignores it and climbs into the bathtub, immediately flinching at the coldness of water. She settles down into the bathtub, lying down with her head above the water resting back onto the slanted end of the white tub. Her hands tightly gripping onto the handles as she continues to shiver, bracing herself for what she were to do next.</p><p> </p><p>She stares up at the ceiling, tears starting to prick at her eyes and an immense pain starting to surround her heart squeezing it tightly. She wanted it to stop. She wanted it all of it stop. The tears spill over, as sobs start to leak out of her mouth. She wants to stop feeling so alone, despite having friends and family who love her. She wants to stop feeling like she can't get out of her bed and being buried under the covers for days. She wants to stop feeling guilty for leaving her loved ones behind because it's time she did something for herself.</p><p> </p><p>Heaving in a breath, she softly sings the following words. "I fell in love with the boy with dimples, who was in love with the boy with freckles, who was in love with the boy with a rasp in his voice, who was in love with the boy who would sing heart out like there was no tomorrow, who was in love with the boy who seemed like he didn't care about anything at all when really he cared all too much, who was in love with the boy that would look like a squirrel whenever he ate food, who was in love with a boy with a mole under his left eye, who was in love with a boy that he wanted to keep protecting with his life."</p><p> </p><p>She smiles weakly before holding in her breath and quickly ducks her head into the water. She hears her favourite line in the song beginning to make its way through the speaker. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>'Jeo meolli meoreojyeo daheul su eomneun neol itji moshaneun gotang sage, saraga.'</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>'I am living in pain of not being able to forget you whom, I can't touch due to distance.' </strong>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><strong><br/>
</strong>Pain starts filling her chest again, but this time due to the lack of oxygen her lungs were receiving. She keeps her eyes tightly screwed shut as she feels something within her body lock up, whether it being her lungs or thorax or something.</p><p> </p><p>'I'm going to die.' She thinks to herself. 'Finally.'</p><p> </p><p>She's not sure when she stopped thinking, but she knew her brain was still whirring on its own. Her mouth automatically relaxes open as her head begins to jerk, almost like her body was having a seizure. A minute or two must've gone by, when suddenly her body completely stills, beginning to float in the water.</p><p> </p><p>Her speaker continues to play, as the song repeats over and over again. Maybe someone will find her like this in the bathtub, maybe her neighbour or her friends. Maybe it'll take days. Who knows. Maybe in the afterlife she can be in peace and be happy.</p><p> </p><p>If anybody looked thorough enough, cared to as to why she did what she did, maybe they'll find her last remaining message on her notes within her phone. </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Thank you, to those of you who came around whenever I was feeling down and stayed by my side. Thank you, to those for continuing to love me even though I was a mess. Thank you, to the eight boys who made me happy and comforted me. Thank you, all of you. I know it's selfish, but please don't forget about me. I love you. </strong>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I live in the United Kingdom, so here's the hotline for the UK: 0800-068-4141. If you're struggling, please reach out for help. Do not think you are alone because you're not. Think about how you could save someone else from doing the same thing. Think about how you haven't met me yet. And I am a phenomenal person that you have yet to meet, so look forward to that. Also, please double check the hotlines before using any of them. Remember, that I love you. That's one more person loving and you're important to this world, otherwise you wouldn't have been created in the first place.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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